There are 2 regulars in my platoon and both of them are from my bunk. But now there are another 2 who want to sign on as well. Eddie and Yi Jie. What makes a person want to sell his soul to the SAF for 6-10 years? Why would anyone want to go through this sort of life?

*********************************
Why do you want to sign on?
Eddie: Money. Lots of it. I dunno what I'm going to do after army anyway and furthering my studies will take a lot of time and finances. I don't want to keep relying on my parents.

Yi Jie: I like the job scope. I love army. Signals rock. Its the kind of job that I'd want to do if I had work outside. Its not that different from a civilian job. The only difference is that I'll have to stay in camp during the 5 day work week. Its also partly because of money. I want my parents to have a comfortable life so I have to contribute to my family income
*********************************

I could never think like that. I dread even an 8 to 5 office job. The only job that would interest me would be to work for God. Because its more dynamic and it'll never be boring. Working with God, relying on Him, struggling with Him, finding fulfillment and rejoicing in Him.

Why don't you spend a few years working first?
Thats what people tell me. Get some experience to know what the working world is like. I just know that this wasn't what I was created for, deep down I know I have other things to accomplish. There are people who are called to be used in the business sector but my opinion is, "Why would I want to put myself into an environment I'm struggling so hard to avoid?"
Whats more, I've already wasted enough time in Polytechnic, having to retake a year of studies and now being stuck in National Service. No, I do not want to waste anymore time.

God always told me that my work for now was to pray. And He stirred up in me a passion for the youths. I just haven't been consistent with that responsibility. Or maybe its a desire to see the church growing & worshipping God, unashamed. Worshipping isn't about how much you jump, how well you sing or how high you wave your hands. Its truly not just about that. But I do know that when the Holy Spirit is in attendance, you don't just stand there. You make those outward expressions because its an outpouring of what you feel inside. Its always from the inside out. And so I have to pray for our church to get there. It takes prayer, passion and persistence if things are going to work.

::: Verse of the Day :::
Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis.
| Colossians 4:12 |

Woohoo.. What a refreshing day. I loved the Holy Spirit seminar. Had a revision for the first half before embarking on a learning spree on the types of Spiritual Gifts. Reverend Jeff also touched on the aspects of how to handle the spiritual gifts during a meeting or service. After which we had a practical session of worshipping in the spirit and giving words of knowledge and singing spiritual songs. Felt quite bloated after that.

Walked to Eunos to pick up Christine after a quick dinner before coming back to church for MegaPraise. It started off quite well but I had to move some guys forward before we really started rocking in the Spirit. The songs were quite well played other than some sluggish transitions. It was a very good worship but it brought back burdens for the youth. Some passion, no direction. Its coming, definitely! But we need help in getting there! God we need you to get there.

If you miss it, its going to be a tough ride. There will be ways out, yes. But if you don't change, you're going to miss the way out too. God thank you for the escape routes. Thank you that you're willing to embrace us anytime we run to you.

::: Quote of the Day :::
I prayed every day & every night. My faith grew very fast. I knew one thing I had to concentrate on and that was spending time learning from the bible so when I grew up, I could share & preach. When I thought about this, I felt my heart burning inside me, pushing me, telling me this is the right thing to do.
| Linh Dao - Vietnamese girl |

I always tell myself that I would be glad to be a martyr for Christ. That it would be an honour. But would I really be able to withstand the pain & humiliation? When I read about those who have given their lives before, I can't help but worry if I'll be able to do justice to God. It all boils down to the simple question. Do I love God enough?

I just read some stuff about John Wesley.

Sanctification
• Christian perfection, a life of holiness
• a perfection of motives & desires
• a life of victory over sin is required, constant vigilance
• a discipline of daily devotions, self examination and a calculated avoidance of worldiness

This was what they did... hence the term 'methodists'. My God! He was striving to achieve the same things that I desire for. And all this time i've been sneering at the rigidness of 'methodist'. Our only difference is in the way we present it.

Dear God, teach me more, that I may be used by you. So that I can be used by you. So that I can throw myself into your work and lead people to you and teach about you.

This morning I skipped breakfast. Came back to the bunk to rest & prepare for the parade. But we need not have worried. It wasn't much of a parade. Coming to attention for the arrival of the Leftenent-colonel, standing at ease for the speech, coming to attention for his departure and than marching off for lessons. The lessons, as usual were boring & slow. Decided to skip lunch to slack in the bunk. Wasted much of the afternoon in the lab setting up the network for the new training hub. We were being taken advantage of as cheap labour.

Had an interview with ma'am yesterday and she described my overall performance as average. She said that my grades were no issue because I easily made top 10. And I had done well in achieving gold standard for my IPPT. But she added that I wasn't standing out. Not taking initiative other than coming out to joke once in a while. Someone who's not a back-bencher but instead one who has potential.

So anyway, I took the platoon for a progressive run before dinner and I think she was keeping an eye on me. The run didn't go off very well. Firstly, the platoon was in quite a playful mood so we did lots of push-ups along the run. Then, Calvin got his foot stuck in between the drain covers on the road. Almost had the whole platoon tumble over him. Near the end of the run, Vincent decided to take a dive into the asphalt while we were all sprinting the last stretch. He was racing with Suresh and tripped himself, doing a 2m body slide which took off chunks from his hand and knee. It didn't look too pretty when he got up. He had to be evacuated to Tengah Airbase Medical Center for treatment. Capped off an otherwise uneventful day.

This post is dedicated to Jeremy Gan
For being a friend, an encouragement and a brother.
Happy Birthday!!
This morning I had my IPPT. Managed to get a gold standard. But it didn't come easily. I almost missed getting the $200 reward by about 4cm. I had to retake my standing broad jump 4 times before successfully getting the minimum requirement for God. My platoon mates were telling me it wasn't my day today. Had trouble with the shuttle run too. But that wasn't a vital station. I managed to hit a new personal best for my 2.4km run though... 9 minutes 12 seconds.

I came close to God on Sunday morning. I wasn't for pre-service prayer and promptly got refreshed. Although I was physically tired because we stayed over at J.Gan's chalet the day before, I managed to get a strengthening in my spirit. I was reminded of the burden I had for the youths. A burden that could not be expressed in words but had to be prayed out in the Spirit & in tears. And it reminded me of my direction, where I was from and how, with God's grace, I've grown. Its not easy being a leader. Although we're in SI, its still a challenging time because of the learning environment.

Arrggghhh... I'm so pissed at myself. I wrote quite a lot in camp this week. A lot of good stuff (i think). But I forgot to bring my journal home. Oh well... I'll just post for formality's sake. Haha!

::: Song of the Day :::
I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands they shake with goodbyes
And I'll take you back if you'd have me

So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always

And I'll miss your laugh your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights I hate them
Lets start this again for real
| blink 182 - always |

Elijah runs... After everything God has done through him, he runs when Queen Jezebel threatens him. Sure, the queen was a scary woman. Dangerous & unpredictable. (Like all woman are.) So he runs away because he's frightened & tired of danger. But God doesn't let go. He watches over Elijah, feeds him 2 free meals & prepares him for their meeting.

This is the part which I feel I can really relate to. God asks, "Whats up, Elijah". And Elijah proceeds to list out his problems as if to intimidate God, trying to get God to pity him. I can picture God chuckling in all His divinity & Holiness as He proceeds to put Elijah in the right perspective. God begins to show Elijah the forces of nature and the majesty of the weather before asking Elijah again, "Whaazzup?"
I think we all can be a little like Elijah in this aspect, one way or another, we can be as ridiculous as him. Elijah again repeats his problems as if he didn't just see a hurricane, feel the earth shaking beneath his feet, watch a fireball pass by and then hear the very voice of God. I believe we're not alone in need to feed and grow our faith!

But God perseveres & instructs Elijah to take a road trip to Damascus. Praise God for His patience & understanding. Praise God that He uses the least of us to achieve the greatest things. Praise God that He will use me!

::: Verse of the Day :::
And these signs will accompany those who believe...
| Mark 16:17 |

What is happening to our faith? Why have we become so afraid of offending? What has happened to the miracles? The mass healings? How can we convince the world to believe when we Christians have difficulty believing as well? Its as if we don't trust our God.

There should be no arguments about Christ or the validity of Christianity. Because arguments are based on the level of the mind. Christianity is about a spiritual relationship first & foremost. It cannot or seldom is proven by explanation or facts. The convincing factor should be miracles and signs. How else can we explain the power of Christ & the Holy Spirit?
Sure! The love of God can be demonstrated & shared. But the fulfillment of Christianity will not exist without the Holy Spirit. So how do we 'train our faith'?
Read the word, hear the word, worship & commune with God. And practice!

This isn't the first time I'm staring at a blank page wondering what to fill it with. Its days like this where you feel utterly useless because you learnt nothing of value. Maybe its just the feeling of a tired body and mind. I find it astonishing how my emotions run. Yesterday, I was feeling good about myself, pleased at what I had achieved and what I know. Today it feels like none of that is important. What makes someone that stands out? Everytime you try to highlight any single one skill, talent, gift, ability that you have, it always doesn't seem to be enough. Maybe you can say, its the collective sum of all these things. The good points & the flaws and the attitude which gives you a unique identity. Like a thumbprint or a snowflake. But all thumbs still look the same and snowflakes is large numbers is just a large expanse of white. So how do you get noticed? I'm still wondering too...

Just read about King Solomon. It shows how sin paves the way for trouble to come in. It causes a gap between us and God. It is shown when Israel began a downward spiral when King Solomon disobeyed. Even in King David's lifetime, there was sin but repentance gave him an escape route. All the way there were warning signs from God, "If you walk in my ways and do what is right, I will be with you."

But it seemed that the desires of the flesh were always the stronger influence. Even King David succumbed. But God still honored him and used him as a benchmark because he sought after God's heart. There will be a time for you to change but if you take if for granted, you're gonna go down that downward spiral and the more you slip, the more you're going to convince yourself that you'll never get out of it.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Something isn't right here
Do I seem alright to you?
I'll smile your way and put on that front
where everyone believes that its ok.

The rain runs down my face
while I stand here waiting
Watching you make the wrong choices
I can't go the way you did
And I can't do the things you do
Not like that, not with the contempt you do

I just want you back right now...
If you have to lose yourself
lose yourself in me.
If you have to find a way out,
I'll be your escape route
If you need a hiding place
I'll be your refuge
I'll gladly take the beatings for you
I gladly rebel against them

But for all that complexity
The simple truth is that
it doesn't have to be this way
But I don't believe you understand me
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today is the second last day that we'll be in Singapore Polytechnic. I'm gonna miss being able to go home everyday. But at least it means that my expenditure will go down. This couple of weeks have been hard on this army boy's wallet, but generous to his stomach. I'll have my exam tomorrow. Not very anxious about it. I hope I'm not being over-confident about it. Incidently, I did quite well for the first module's exam. I got 81%...

I was thinking about Pastor Erick's sermon. And I see where he is going with his emphasis on reverence towards God. All this time we've been focusing our efforts on worship. True worship, worshipping in Spirit and in Truth. But after awhile, you begin to wonder, why does it seem like we've hit a ceiling? My opinion is that we've forgotten how to revere God. We've become familiar with Him. Much too familiar. And you can't worship a friend if that's all God is to you. Without fear or respect of God, there will not be true worship.

Let me explain further... We come to church dressed inappropriately, as if we were going to the beach or for a picnic. My stand on Sunday dress would be, if you can dress up to meet your friends, you can do at least that much in dressing well to meet God. But thats just my personal opinion. Other problems include coming to service late, slouching in the pews (mentioned by Pastor Erick), we raise our feet, we talk and joke around during sermons, we eat sweets and chew gum, we pass notes, we plan our activities and our lunch, we daydream, we play with our mobile devices. What up with that? The time where the speaker gives a sermon, has become a setting more suited to a lecture hall than the sanctuary. The time for worship has become a time to hear good music so that we can feel good singing it. And if the songs, arrangements, vocals or instrumentation is not perfect, we get distracted and we're unable to worship. No wonder we're STILL waiting for revival! All because our attitude towards Christ is wrong. And I've been guilty of it as well. Youth in general will always push the limits of discipline. If this is what we're doing when our parents were sitting still and paying attention, what will the next batch of youth be doing when they see us behaving this way in the sanctuary. I shudder to think of it.

Dearest Lord Jesus, forgive me for my lack of respect for you. forgive me for not giving you the honor due to you. Lord, I pray that you stir up within me a passion and a reverence for You. Lord, stir it up within me first and foremost, within the youth of XS and within Charis. Lord, I don't want to try to reason this out and pretend that everything is alright. Thank You that You have graciously shown me my mistakes. Lord, may I grow closer to you as I strive to revere You as You deserve. In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

Today Pastor Erick spoke on having a reverence in church and before God... Something that I think that is really good because, we sort of lost the respect for God and His house. Something I think i've been guilty of doing as well. In the course of being comfortable in the house of God, I've taken certain things for granted. Although I believe more of the posture of the heart rather than outward actions, I'm not going to deceive myself and say that what we do doesn't matter.

Pastor Erick also shared something from our Methodist Hymnal. To be honest, I've been a Christian all my life, and I've seen the Methodist Hymnal for at least 15 years... I never knew there was a page called Directions for Singing in it. I found it hilarious at first but as I read on, I found that behind the authoritative style was a heart that really wanted people to worship God in a proper manner. And this was how John Wesley knew how. And this was what worked for the people in that era. We still worship the same God, and as we know, God never changes. Our style and method of worshipping may have changed but the significance behind Wesley's 'rules' still remain the same.

Directions for Singing
From the Methodist Hymnal

I. Learn these tunes before you learn any others; afterwards learn as many as you please.

II. Sing them exactly as they are printed here, without altering or mending them at all; and if you have learned to sing them otherwise, unlearn it as soon as you can.

III. Sing all. See that you join with the congregation as frequently as you can. Let not a single degree of weakness or weariness hinder you. If it is a cross to you, take it up, and you will find it a blessing.

IV. Sing lustily and with good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength. Be no more afraid of your voice now, nor more ashamed of its being heard, then when you sung the songs of Satan.

V. Sing modestly. Do not bawl, so as to be heard above or distinct from the rest of the congregation, that you may not destroy the harmony; but strive to unite your voices together, so as to make one clear melodious sound.

VI. Sing in time. Whatever time is sung be sure to keep with it. Do not run before nor stay behind it; but attend close to the leading voices, and move therewith as exactly as you can; and take care not to sing to slow. This drawling way naturally steals on all who are lazy; and it is high time to drive it out from us, and sing all our tunes just as quick as we did at first.

VII. Above all sing spiritually. Have an eye to God in every word you sing. Aim at pleasing him more than yourself, or any other creature. In order to do this attend strictly to the sense of what you sing, and see that your heart is not carried away with the sound, but offered to God continually; so shall your singing be such as the Lord will approve here, and reward you when he cometh in the clouds of heaven.

::: Song of the Day :::
Of all of the fears I’ve grown to love
I’m frightened the most of missing you
I punish myself for finding joy
And focus on what I have to lose
It’s hard to believe in what she says
When I have the strength to silence lies
Hearing it now I feel secure

I know it’s worthy of the pride I sacrificed
And all of the tears I cried tonight
Show me faith I dream about
As long as you’re here I’m strong
And I’ll believe in every word I heard you say tonight
Finding peace despite tonight
You’re the strength I lack tonight
and steadier than I am

You’re folding your fingers into mine
You tell me that healing comes in time
It won’t be the same again
Do you believe in rebirth and lives becoming new
It’s hard to believe in much now
The weight is crushing me and cutting off my air
I’m finding it hard to stand at all

You’ve gotta relate to this
I want you to tell me yes
Knowing you have my trust
Believing it’s for the best
Feeling this vulnerable
Letting down every wall
Not looking down on me
My walk becomes a crawl

I want the winter to have died and turned to spring
I’d see the cold and frigid glances passing through
We’d watch the grass begin to power through the soil
We’d watch the grass begin to power through the soil
We’d watch the grass begin to power through the soil
We’d watch the scales fall

I know it’s worthy of the pride I sacrificed
And all of the tears I cried tonight
Show me faith I dream about
As long as you’re here I’m strong
And I’ll believe in every word I heard you say tonight
Finding peace despite tonight
You’re the strength I lack tonight
and steadier than I am

And I’ll remember every bone I heard that broke tonight
Seeking solace from the light
My eyes have seen too much tonight
My ears have heard their full
Will you remember all the times you said you wade with me
Through the dark till we can see
All the sharks with clarity
You’re steadier than I am
| zella mayzell - straight ahead at the end of the court |

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
April's Fool
I wouldn't put my hope in this
or would I?
Could I muster the strength
to be tested and tried again?
You say that you're sorry
But are you really?

And when those words entered my soul
when the realisation blossomed
like flowers in spring, bright and bold
Those words like a healing salve
over numerous wounds
washing over softly, soothing
Those words could save me
like a branch of hope to a drowning man
pulling me to safety
Those words like a fire place
in the middle of the harshest winter
But I would be safe wrapped in your words

But waves of doubt question what you claim
Do you actually mean what you say?
Or do you enjoy the control of my emotions
Watching me writhe in pain
Seeing me suffer empowers you does it?
Do you really long for the times that have passed
Or are these words just a stroke of inspiration
Simply a muse to spark your creativity

Dare I assume that you meant it?
Audacity doesn't look good on me

Its just that this hapless heart keeps gripping, gripping
It won't let the memories go to sleep
I would tell you if I could
if I thought that it would make a difference
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

::: Verse of the Day :::
I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
| John 17:20-21 |

So what Jesus is saying in the prayer is, unless we (the church, XS or any body of Christ) are in Christ, obeying the Father & working with the Holy Spirit, our evangelistic efforts are basically a waste of time. Or maybe, to put it in a nicer way, not as effective as it could be. This is something I think that ONE could work towards.

Went for megapraise practice yesterday. Its exciting to see how the younger ones are taking over in leading worship & as musicians. Still need more bassists and drummers though. Can't always have the same people playing for every megapraise. It maybe be difficult because GAS has set quite a high standard. Anyway, I was there just as a spectator/ sound tech. I was giving some of my opinions about what I knew about music. I hope I didn't offend anyone in the process. Don't know if my comments were welcome or not. :P

I went shopping before the practice by myself again. I almost forgot what it felt like to spend time alone. Had a good time reflecting on these past few weeks and decided to take certain steps to get my life back in order. Maybe to stop taking part in the coarse joking with my buddies. Or to stop pitying myself. Or maybe to stop ignoring God. Ignoring God is a very dangerous thing to do. Because you will soon realise that He doesn't need you but you need Him.

I noticed something while strolling around Plaza Singapura that I found pretty interesting. NOBODY goes out alone. Or rather, very few people actually plan to spend time by themselves. When my buddies asked where I was going before we parted, they were surprised to hear my plan. They even thought I was going to meet someone secretly. So anyway, I was taking the escalator down to the 4th story when I saw this JC girl on the 3rd story. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her except she was leaning against the railing looking down at the people scurrying about. She only caught my attention when 10 minutes later while I was walking to Times Bookstore, I noticed that she was still there with a forlorn look on her face.

I was thinking to myself, 'Wow.. this girl must be emo like me... '
And so I walked into Times Bookstore to browse, (Incidently, I bought a book called Pegasus Bridge. By the same author of Band of Brothers) but keeping notice of her every now and then. It was another 10 minutes before a bunch of JC guys (from a different JC) came by and this guy whom I assumed to be her boyfriend stood beside her and talked to her before walking off together... No one stays alone, unless they're waiting for somebody. And maybe thats what I'm doing....

waiting...

Just a quick update... I went for a friend's engagement today. Here we go, watching life fly by. Seeing the people around pair up and move on. I know 'there's still time', 'i'm still young' and other assorted excuses. But I'm getting tired of waiting. Its back to school tomorrow... And IPPT on tuesday.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I had this dream...
this dream is make believe...
I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve
because I don't know who i'm looking for
I don't know whats left fighting for
If this is all to life then I want more
I want more...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

XS is growing... We're reaching out to more people. Having more fun and hopefully, being more effective for Christ. But that doesn't seem to make me rejoice. Not many things are making me rejoice lately. Certain issues are chaining me down and wearing me out. Maybe its because I'm constantly reminding myself of what I'm lacking. Its like that gatorade advertisement where the guy is swimming in liquid concrete. Or the guy cycling with a giant ball and chain connected to his bike. Or the guy running with the parachute.

I'm going to stop talking about things like this now. I think it'll be good that I took my mind off it. Of course its fun to joke around once in a while, but do it too often and it starts to take its toll... Need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. Because misunderstandings will arise, and complications will cause problems. And people will not take me seriously next time. There was a glimpse of hope for a split second today. But I'm not even going to entertain it. Because I've come to a point where I confuse even myself. Where my soul takes me for a wild ride on the emotional spectrum. Thrilling highs.. but the lows leave a lot to be desired.

Let me end off with a short excerpt of an article.
I thought my wounded heart never would heal. I now realize I developed my list for protection. It was easier to have a shopping list no one could fulfill than to risk getting hurt again. Then God reminded me of his promise never to leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I found this comforting in the face of the fact that loving anyone is a risk. Walking in the knowledge that God will carry me through the difficult times and will be with me no matter what now gives me the freedom to take wise risks in romantic relationships.

Additionally, I looked at others who made a poor choice in a (marriage) partner and determined not to be like them. While there's wisdom in this, at the same time I wasn't trusting God with my personal life. God showed me self-protective hearts can't love. I thought keeping a list would protect me. But after many years of sizing (people) up, I developed negative thought patterns. I didn't realize I was operating out of fear and a critical spirit until God revealed that to me. It was then I realized the list I held was, in reality, holding me.

Our society encourages an "It's all about me" attitude. Music, television, books, even well-meaning friends encourage self-promotion. But this attitude blocks love. First Corinthians 13:4 says love isn't proud. We can't focus on ourselves and then expect a relationship to flourish. Not only is this kind of thinking not conducive to a healthy relationship, it's also not conducive to a healthy heart, one free of pride and a judgmental spirit.

Lasting romance, the Bible tells us, is rooted deeply in the soil of sacrifice. List-making, on the other hand, can be critical and self-serving. Practicing selfless love, whether relationships lead to marriage or not, blesses everyone involved. And as Christians, we're called to selfless love, the kind that has others' best interest in mind.

Every once in a while you stop and think to yourself. What the heck are you doing with your life? You stop everything, amidst your busy schedule, to reconsider the things that you're wasting your time on. Then your flaws come up at you like blinking neon lights in a seedy part of town on a dark night. They scream to be noticed when you're trying to hide your shame.

How do you lose something so beautiful? Why didn't you hold on tightly enough? Why didn't I wake up out of my stupor sooner? I think its pathetic how I'm groping around in the dark trying to find something or someone who will fill that void. Jeremy mentioned something about a compass that pointed true north despite interferences. I want to stop twirling around... I'm tired

You talk & talk & talk...
But nothing ever happens. Changes aren't seen. I could say that fruits require effort, and effort requires time, and time is hard to come by. But its been too long without any results. Drastic actions need to be implemented. Maybe people will notice another change... Maybe they won't. But what matters is that I do something about it.

How would you market yourself?

If I were a product that could be sold... How would I advertise myself? How would I project a postive image onto the consumer's mind? Would there be any benefits or advantage in using this product? Its hard to think of any when you have no interests outside of church. I play music for church, play soccer for church, lead cell group in church, dress up to go to church, hang out with church friends. I'm distancing myself from the world. Which is a good thing. But maybe I need more hobbies. Difficult to achieve when my entire schedule revolves around church activities. Is this what it means to give my life to God? By giving my time and interests?

A.W. Tozer says

No worship is wholly pleasing to God until there is nothing in me displeasing to God...
...Thats why I say your worship must be total. It must involve the whole you...
...If there is to be true and blessed worship, somethings in your life must be destroyed, eliminated.

Apparently its not enough. Anytime you think 'hey, I'm doing pretty well,' its as if you did nothing at all. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying God is some sick dictator who wants to run your life into the ground and make you miserable. But its only when you give up everything to Him... every single aspect to Him along with every bit of filth comes along with it. Only then can He start the long tedious process of helping you to become Holy like He is. Only then will you realise that by giving up everything, He actually gives it back to you, purified and sanctified and with so much more! You realise that your life isn't 'destroyed' but rather enhanced. The good points which you had are brought forward to be developed and the bad points are diminished or transformed. And then you will be ready to be sent forth.

Its been a tiring day. Non-stop lectures in Singapore polytechnic. Thank God that I've attended seminars before. Was able to keep attentive for most of the day. I'm glad for the opportunity to book out for lessons rather than having them in camp. The change in environment is good for the morale. Even if it does mean booking back in to camp at 6pm.

These 2 weeks have been slightly unreal. In camp training is intensive and yet time passes slowly. A lot of things have to be learnt & memorised. We're expected to pick up skills at lightning pace. I expect it to get more intellectually challenging as we go along. I praise God for putting me here. The more I think about it, the more amazed at how well everything falls into place here. Having more time to focus on God & read His word. Time to do things like preparing Word for cell group. But sickeningly, I did not bring in my cell Word file. Forgive me Lord...

Sunday's sermon was an interesting one. Interesting because I learnt so much from the speaker even though I disagreed with her on so many issues. Issues which I felt were God's lessons for her specifically & not for Christians in general.

Opinions...
Are we entitled to them? What about the things I believe in? Do I dare say that what I believe in, bible truths so to speak, are the absolute truth? Isn't there a chance that I many be honestly wrong? Or will my faith carry me through? Will her faith carry her through the things that seem flawed to me?

All I know is to go where the Holy Spirit leads me. To walk the path that He lays before me with a quiet confidence. Doing my best at the tasks laid before me. Praying that by doing so, my life will be a good testimony to those around me. But is that an end in itself? Am I doing it so that I get some self-worth out of my life? God, how do I do I become a good testimony? How can I be most effective for You? Should I become a religious freak? And scare off everyone I meet? Or is it possible to lead a fun Christ-like life?
Who said Christians were losing out? The world.
Who said being a good testimony makes you a religious freak? The world.
But its not entirely the world's fault. Our lives have become so ingrained with the world that we no longer recognise goodness when we see it. Or sin for that matter.

The question would be... How do I rebel against the world? Where should the lines be drawn. Janet Buchanen says that theres no such thing as a balanced Christian life. If you're looking from the secular perspective, then I think I agree with her. Deep down I sense that its the truth. So do I withdraw from these things? To abstain from movies, tv shows, the computer, music...? Things which have a chance to introduce sin?

Do I fear that I slip into a state thats irrelevant to the people around me? Fear of insignificance? Fear that by sacrificing these things, I'll turn into some religious dinosaur? Why fear? Because deep down I still place it in a position of importance.

I went down to Rhema today. I'm glad I did... It so happened that today's worship flowed so well and I met up with God. I missed worship like this. Worship so real and intense, its as if you could literally reach out and touch God. As if God was right next to you replying to every sentence you utter in tongues. It was a good time. But it was a gentle reminder from God... Its time to start praying already.

Tomorrow morning I'll be booking in for the start of my signalling vocation. I think it'll be quite an interesting 3 months. I'm really looking forward to all that extra time.

::: Cell Verse :::
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit–just as you were called to one hope when you were called– one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
| Ephesians 4:1-6 |

Reality According to Hollywood

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Persons knocked unconscious by a blow to the head will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds—unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they will go off.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will patiently wait to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

These aren't the only ways that movies twist reality.